See, this is why I will always stand behind Profnet as my preferred place for reporters to find sources for bizarre stories, no matter what cheaper competition comes along: because of Profnet's unparalleled sophomoric joke opportunities! For example, are you an expert on masturbation and all of its ins-and-outs, ha? Well Em of Em & Lo, sex book authors and your source for all things love, sex, and star related, wants to talk to you right away! And she'll happily promote your masturbation projects in return: ...

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