You know who should play Freddy Krueger (see below)? Katie Holmes' pegged jeans! Those things are making people fuck their eyeballs with their pinky finger. Not me. I love them like a double-sided dildo. I was about to send out a search party for them! Thankfully, they have returned to me in all their fugly 80s glory! I would hug them if I saw them in person, but I would probably catch The Scientology from them.And why is Katie covering herself with that alien case? She probably queefed out a little barley water. It's okay, Katie. Tommy Girl does that all the time....

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